Do you have moments of feeling unworthy? Do you sometimes wonder who you are now that the kids are gone, or do you no longer feel like you fit in this youth-obsessed culture?
When my kids were little, and as they grew up, my life had lots of meaning. I could see that raising my children to be good independent adults who go out into the world and make their own difference was important. So, what happens when that has happened, and they are gone?
What is your worth now?
- You no longer have that group of parents that were built-in friends because they went everywhere you did with your kids. Everyone seems to be busy doing other things.
- In midlife, your body starts to change, and you no longer meet the expectations of health and beauty in the media.
- You may be thinking about what you are doing for a living and wondering if it is what you want to be doing for the next 10 years or so before retirement.
- Now that it is just you and your partner, you may need to relearn communication and passion.
What else makes you feel unworthy? Write them down, acknowledge them, and then remember who you are!
You are worthy because you are alive! It took an extremely specific series of events for you to be here. If you believe that the world cannot be random and that all the chaos is organized, then being here is important. Your natural skills and your innate desires are specific to you. Some people are waiting for you to impact them. It could be a smile, an invention, a training, a chance encounter, seeing something you did to be happy in life, etc.
You share your energy with all the people around you. Your influence touches their lives and then, in turn, touches many others. When you live your life with confidence and truly enjoy what you do, your presence is a gift. And more than enough reason to make sense of why you are needed on this planet at this time.
So now the question is, how do I get there?
How can I let go of feeling unworthy in midlife?
Release unrealistic expectations
No one is perfect. I once read a quote that said something like, “When you try to be perfect, you are competing with God.” Embrace your imperfections. Everyone has them. Get out of your head thinking about what you “should” be doing and focus on what you can do in the present.
“It’s midlife already, my friends – we’ve got to learn to figure this out and cut the heavy, unfair expectations loose!” Marlene Caraballo
Show yourself your worth
Do your best at everything you do. Help others and see your impact. Be kind to others and yourself. Feel the joy of doing something you love. Take pride in your accomplishments and believe in your ability to achieve even more!
Take pride in your talents and strengths
You may have been suppressing some of these while you were busy doing other things in your 20s and 30s. Take a moment to reflect on what you love to do and what comes easy to you. It might be art, organizing, writing, planning, helping animals, gardening, cooking, exercise, etc. Find time to fit more of this into your life.
Challenge your beliefs about yourself
When you feel unworthy, you believe that you do not have anything to offer, or you are not smart enough, or you don’t have a purpose, or maybe no one needs you anymore. Is that really true? Of course not! What might have happened to you in your life to make you believe that? Take some time to reflect on these questions. Any belief you have can be questioned and unlearned.
It’s when you repeat them repeatedly when they become true to you, so change those beliefs to new, more positive ones.
- I can use my experiences in life to help others.
- The skills I learned in college can be tuned up and be useful to me today.
- I will reach out and make plans with my children today.
- Trying new things and seeing what makes me happy and fulfilled is my new goal!
Risk rejection and failure
Sometimes when you feel unworthy, you freeze and don’t do anything. Try to come up with a goal to accomplish something in your life. Get clear about what you want. Set up baby steps to get there. Take chances and see what happens. If you fail or get rejected, you know that is not the path. Try something else. Every challenge is an opportunity to learn. Failure will be an option anytime you take a risk, but what if it doesn’t fail?
Bring a loving presence to your thoughts
Notice and be aware of when you are thinking and feeling negative. Let those thoughts come in and out without attaching to them. You have control of how you think, and your thoughts become the reality of your life. So, try to acknowledge when you are feeling unworthy and what thoughts are coming up. Ask yourself if they are true and let them go. Even if it seems fake, change your thoughts to ones of love and happiness, and you will change your life.
Related Post: To Change Your Life Change Your Thoughts
I love this paragraph I read in an article from DailyOM.
“We can each look within our hearts to discover what is true for us, what gives our lives meaning, and what excites us. We can release ourselves from any pressure to perform that comes from outside of our inner sense of purpose. Staying in tune with our own values and living our lives in tune with our own vision is all we need to fulfill our time here. Our lives are a process of becoming so that we cannot help but cocreate; being who we are, responding to each moment as it comes, we can trust that this is enough.”
Midlife is just what it says—the middle of our lifetime. People live longer and longer these days, and once we reach our 40s, 50s, and 60s, we still have years to go. Please don’t waste it thinking you no longer have worth. This is when you should embrace your wisdom and experience and have the confidence to share it with others.
Let’s show the younger generation how good midlife living can be. I hope I’ve inspired you to let go of your feelings of unworthiness and instead find joy and fulfillment in your second half of life!
Other Posts You Might Enjoy:
22 Tips to Help You Fine Your Passion in Midlife
How to Avoid Midlife Crisis with 11 Mindful Journal Prompts
Love Yourself First to Live Your Best Life
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