Do you find yourself judging others or being jealous of what someone else has?  Whether we mean to or not, we commonly look at others and feel jealousy, opinion, or judgment towards how they look, act, or possess.  We are not mean-spirited people; judging and jealousy are quite common.  So, how do we stop judging and being jealous of others, and what do we do instead?

According to Your Life: Why It Is the Way It Is and What You Can Do About It, a book by Bruce McArthur about the Law of Attraction, each one of us sees truth differently.  We do not have to agree, but it is indeed our truth.  We live and act and have the perfect right to that understanding as others do how they see the truth!

Sometimes when we judge others, we think we know better than they do, when in actuality, we know differently.

Here are some of the most commons ways we judge and what we can do instead

Judging someone based on their size

You don’t know where they are on their journey.  Instead, focus on how you can be at your ideal weight.  If you are beating yourself up about your weight, you can bet they are too.  They do not need any more confirmation of their thoughts.  When we focus on ourselves, we don’t have time to worry about anyone else.  Next time you see someone and have the instinct to judge, smile at them, compliment them, and do something kind to yourself to get you where you want to be.

Thinking someone is crazy for pursuing a dream you think is impossible or “dumb.”

Remember that anything is possible with imagination, hard work, and support.  Let them find out for themselves if they can’t do it, and congratulate them for trying.  Is there something you want to pursue but haven’t had the courage to do it yet?  Start working on that.  Go after your own dreams that will make you happy with where you are in life, and you won’t need to judge anyone else’s.

Seeing someone let their children do something that you would never let your children do

They may be going through struggles you can’t see, and letting their children do that certain thing is the best they know how.  Let them figure it out unless the child is in danger or show them another example.  Parenting is hard, and we need to support each other.  Lend a hand if someone is having trouble at the grocery store or call the parent you were judging and make sure everything is OK.  If you have your own children, focus on them, and make sure you love them the best way you know how.

Someone has a better job or works more or less than you.

We all choose what we want to do based on what is best for our families.  I hope you choose something you love because if you are doing what you love, you won’t judge others for doing what they love.  If you are jealous because you want a better job, you should take the steps necessary to achieve it.

Someone else just bought your dream home.

Money is hard.  It is easy to be jealous of others and watch others spend money on things you want.  What you have to remember is that we all have our own priorities.  It is not your place to tell someone else how to spend their money or what they should buy.  You do not know what their financial planning looks like, and it is really none of your business.  (Unless it is your business, then you should talk to them?.)

Focus on your own finances.  Do you have enough to do the things you love, or have you saved enough for retirement?  Do you want more money?  What can you do to get it?  When we are comfortable with where we are in our own financial picture, we won’t need to worry about what anyone else is doing.  If you are saving up for a dream vacation, don’t judge someone else for taking one.  They may have been in the same position you were in a few years ago; the only difference is they achieved their goal.  Keep working towards yours.

Lessons from the “The Book of Joy”

In The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World, the Dalai Lama says, “Often envy comes because we are too focused on material possessions and not on our true inner values.  When we focus on experience or knowledge, there is much less envy.  But most important is to develop a sense of concern for other’s well-being.”  He continues, “If you have genuine kindness or compassion, then when someone gets something or has more success, you can rejoice in their good fortune.”

In the same book, Archbishop Desmond Tutu offers up three powerful remedies to help you stop judging others that support my examples above.

1. Gratitude:  Count your own blessings.
2. Motivation:  Motivation to improve our situation is certainly better than envy of someone else’s.
3. Re-framing:  Ask yourself if what the other person has is really what you want.  Do I really want to be just like someone else?

Instead of reacting with jealousy or judgment, send a blessing.  The more love we send out, the more we get back.  It’s a Universal law.

Here are 11 compliments you can give people that are nonappearance related written by Jennifer Rollin:

You –

• light up the room
• have the best laugh
• inspire me
• I love how passionate you are
• make the world a better place by being in it
• are one of the bravest people I know
• make me feel comfortable being myself
• Are an incredible friend
• have a really refreshing perspective
• are so smart
• are truly making a difference

Let me end with this last quote from the Dalai Lama, which sums up why we need to celebrate rather than judge each other.

“We should recognize our shared humanity.  These are our human brothers and sisters, who have the same right and desire to have a happy life.  This is not a spiritual thing.  It is simply common sense.  We are part of the same society.  We are part of the same humanity.  When humanity is happy, we will be happy.  When humanity is peaceful, our own lives are peaceful.”

The next time you feel jealous, be grateful for what you have and be happy for them.  The next time you catch yourself judging a fellow human, send them love and blessings instead.

How about you?  Does this make you want to stop judging others and change how you react?