Living Marvelously is all about making the most of the life we have left to live. It is written in memory of my mom, Marvel, who died of cancer at 66, and the lessons I learned from her. But now, I’m focusing on my dad. Last October he moved into a nursing home after being diagnosed with Dementia. Because of the COVID-19 restrictions, my siblings and I have not been able to visit him in person since March 13th. With everything that is going on in the world now, I don’t want us to forget about the seniors in nursing homes. What is the plan for them? Don’t they deserve the chance to make the most of the rest of their life?

I understand the need to keep them safe since getting the virus can be deadly. And, most of the deaths in Minnesota have happened in long term care facilities.  I also realize everyone is following CDC guidelines for not allowing visitors, but I think it’s time for those guidelines to be amended. The residents, especially my dad, have been cooped up for too long. It can’t be healthy. They need hugs and human connection with their loved ones. They need some Vitamin D from the sunshine. This can’t go on forever because no one wants to take blame if someone dies. These people are at the end of their lives, they shouldn’t have to spend it alone.

Possible Solution

What if immediate family members were allowed to visit and be screened just like the staff? They can wear masks and gloves, whatever makes everyone feel safe. Then the family members could maybe wheel them outside for a little fresh air as well. It’s these little things that could make a big difference.

My dad needs help keeping his phone and iPad charged and on so we can communicate, he needs to be reminded to take baths. We used to help make sure his room was clean and clothes were put away. My dad tends to hoard newspapers and snacks from the cafeteria and I used to make sure they were kept to a minimum. (These things might seem trivial and I’m sure there are residents in more need of their family than my dad, so this is for them too.)

We would make sure he is getting exercise. Once the facilities do open up, we want to be sure he still has strength to go somewhere.

I’ve talked to the staff about these things, and they are doing their best. But they can’t do everything. 

There is very little COVID-19 in Goodhue County, and no cases in long term facilities as of today, does it make sense to keep them locked up? Everything else is opening, there has to be a plan for the seniors in nursing homes too. 

You might say that we should just take him out of the facility, but he is there for a reason. He needs the help from the staff. Believe me, the guilt makes an appearance often. 

How We Are Coping

So, we continue to call him and make window visits. 

Last week was his 88th birthday. We tried to make it special. He was wheeled up to a big picture window so that his friends and family could wish him a happy birthday. There was over 40 of his kids, grandkids, great grandkids and friends who showed up. 

At one point he said, “It brings tears to my eyes.” 

We were probably violating the social distancing guidelines, but it was worth it. He needs to know that he is loved, and we haven’t forgotten about him.

Next week is Father’s Day, and we will have to celebrate again through the window. 

The hardest part is when he talks about how nice it looks outside and then he asks if everything is still closed. Up to this point we have been able to say yes, but with his favorite places opening, it will be harder. 

It’s Time To Make a Plan

A friend said something to me a couple of weeks ago that made me start thinking about this. She told me that her parents, who are compromised, said that if they were going to die of this virus, they wanted to be sure to spend their last days with their grandkids. 

Since then, I have decided that I can no longer just sit quietly and wait for the state to open up nursing homes. So, I have emailed my senator and the governor, and I am writing this in hopes others might start speaking up as well. 

Life is short anyway, and we are wasting the precious time they have left. 

Don’t forget about our seniors in nursing homes. Make a plan for them to receive visitors again and eventually be able to leave the facility again. 

“Caring for our seniors is perhaps the greatest responsibility we have. Those who walked before us have given so much and made possible the life we all enjoy.” Senator John Hoeven

We love and miss you Dad! Like I told him today at a window visit when he asked when this was going to be over, “I’m working on it!”