Self-image is a tricky concept, one that is equally completely within our power and something that most people struggle with. How we view ourselves—particularly during midlife—is a complex result of decades of experience, interpersonal encounters, success, failure, and countless other variables.
At first glance, self image is pretty straightforward – how we view ourselves, our personal, internal critique of self. And while that is true, it goes deeper than that, because self image reflects how we view ourselves socially, financially, physically, mentally, emotionally, and so on.
Let’s take a look at what self image truly means, why it matters so much, and how you can strengthen it to live a better, more fulfilling life.
What is self image anyway?
You might equate self-image and self-esteem, but they’re not identical. Both self-image and self-esteem impact how effective you are in your daily life; low self-esteem makes it difficult to feel like your efforts are fruitful or worth pursuing. Low self-esteem also makes you more likely to feel less than other people, often taking their criticism or abuse even though you don’t deserve it.
Self-esteem, however, is a result of self image.
How do you see yourself?
How do you view yourself, especially after decades of life experience? Do you view yourself as a parent? Does your job define you, or perhaps you are retired? Are you creative? Do you feel like you have little going for you in any aspect of your life, as often many people do?
Self image is how you view yourself and is the sum total of your personal critiques of your life. Every time you think about how you could lose 20lbs or how you wish you had chosen a different career path, or that those around you are so far ahead of where you feel like you should be in your given field, that is a self-critique.
The self-critiques I listed above are all pretty negative, and unfortunately, they are some of the most common ways people assess themselves. Unfortunately, these critiques can add up in a way that is not meaningful or helpful.
For instance, being self-critical can help you work through negative perceptions or internal biases that accumulate over time, but it requires mental work and/or therapy. The self-criticality without the effort to work through it, however, damages your self-image, and over time, that can wreak havoc on your self-esteem and how you move through the world.
Why Self Image Matters
Self-image matters because if you view yourself as unworthy of love, you will behave as if you are unworthy. You will accept poor treatment from partners, family members, or friends, which in turn leads to depression, anxiety, and, unfortunately, even lower self image and self-esteem.
If you view yourself as not worthy of the success of people in your chosen field, then you will not behave as someone who should get promoted or who should succeed. At the end of the day, self-image is, in a way, a self-fulfilling prophecy. The way that you see yourself directly impacts your behavior and the choices you make each and every day.
The good news is that your self-image can work for you instead of against you. Having a positive self-image can help you achieve goals, be more social, find the love that you deserve, and work to be as successful as your wildest dreams.
Reframe Your Thoughts
For instance, let’s reframe a common idea that many women struggle with – “If I just lose X pounds, I’ll finally feel good about my body!”
Instead of lamenting, “Oh, I used to be so skinny!” or “Ugh, I hate my fat body!”, you can focus on the fact that you are perfectly capable of improving your health and fitness. Your timeline may not match the next person’s—and you may have limitations that make it harder—but you CAN take steps, and that first step is appreciating your body as it is in this very moment.
Work to view yourself not as someone who needs to lose weight but rather as an active, healthy person – don’t even consider how the extra weight fits into who you are. As you view yourself as a healthy, active person, you will make choices that reflect that, like exercising, eating healthier, cutting back on alcohol, hydrating more, and being less sedentary.
You behave how you view yourself—if you view yourself as overweight, then your actions will reinforce that. If you recognize that you are beautiful and strong and view yourself as a healthy, active person, your attitude and activity will change to match that, and weight loss will be significantly easier.
Here’s another way that self image can affect your life. Many people struggle with their identity as they approach midlife. You may have children leaving the house and your defined role as a parent for 20 years is completely changing. Instead of being sad, thinking your identity has been lost as you become an empty nester, you have an opportunity to reframe and rediscover things that you loved before. By embracing new concepts and identities, you will feel invigorated and worthy rather than lost and confused.
Check out this YouTube video I did for Transformation Talk Radio about this topic!
How to Improve Self Image
The biggest part of self image and how it affects us is the fact that what you believe about yourself becomes reality through your actions. For instance, let’s say you admire somebody who is always smiling, seemingly always positively going about their days. What is the difference between them and yourself? What stops you from being successful in the way you admire them?
The answer is yourself – specifically, how you view yourself. If you view yourself as someone who is always thinking about how “my life sucks” then you’re going to hold yourself accordingly. But if you work to replicate the positive traits and values that you see in other people, you’ll see those same traits in yourself.
Visualize who you want to be
If you’re spending time everyday feeling bad about who you aren’t and what you haven’t achieved, then focus on who you want to be. Visualize what you want from life every day and how you can achieve it. Not a general sense of how anyone could achieve it, but you specifically. Visualize this every single day when you wake up, and your actions will align themselves with the goals that you are setting. It might take a bit, but it will become easier over time to view yourself as successful in the ways you want and align your behavior with those goals.
Be Mindful of your self-talk
Mindfulness meditation is useful for just about everything, from weight loss to motivation, creativity, anger and impulsivity management, and so on.
Probably the easiest way to achieve a daily mindfulness meditation practice is to sit quietly where you will not be disturbed and focus only on breathing in and breathing out. Feel your breath go in and feel your breath go out, and if thoughts arise, acknowledge them, simply say “thoughts,” and push them away. The same goes for feelings like itching or the need to move your leg—simply acknowledge them, think “feeling,” and push them away.
This type of practice allows you to put space between your emotions and impulses and how you behave and digest them. A lot of times, we are quick to be negative to ourselves, and persistent negative self-talk degrades our self-esteem and our self-image and leads to genuine negativity of being. Mindfulness allows you to recognize when negative self-talk arises and to counter it with actual, thoughtful self-talk. You will reap the benefits of mindfulness practice and positive self-talk, including less stress, better clarity, better focus, better mood, and a whole host of other physical and mental benefits.
We are who we surround ourselves with
This one can be tricky because it may mean that you need to cut people out of your life, but your image can be largely impacted by the people that you surround yourself with. If you believe you are a certain type of person, then your friend group, the media you consume online, the social accounts you follow, the people at your office that you communicate with, etc will reflect that. If you are in a particular quagmire of negative people and media, it’s extremely difficult to pull yourself out of that, and your self image and behavior will reflect it.
Friendship in midlife can be tricky, but you should be following and hanging around with people that inspire you to be better. This will, in turn, change how you view yourself and then of course behavior will follow.
Believe it to achieve it
This is just a variation of fake-it-till-you-make-it, but there is some truth to this old concept. Using the weight loss example again, your self image might be one of a person that is creaky, overweight, and not exceptionally physically active. If, however, you buy gym clothes and get a gym membership and begin to do things that reflect a person who is physically fit and healthy, your subconscious begins to adapt to these changes. If you look like and think like a person who is physically fit and active, your behavior and self-image will slowly change into that person.
Short-term dieting and exercise boot camps don’t really work for long-term success because your personal values and self image don’t change, but if you work on your self image first and let your behavior adapt to it, long-term success is not just possible, but inevitable.
Self image is something that most people struggle with, that is true. But if you change how you speak to yourself, evaluate who you hang out with and the media you consume, practice mindfulness and focus on what you truly want, it is very simple to change and improve your self image.
It might not be easy at first – after all, many of us have had the same self image for decades – but the human brain is capable of great things and changing our self image and improving our self-esteem is simply a matter of practice and belief. And with improved self image and self-esteem comes your wildest dreams.