Has anyone ever told you they are holding space for you? Or, have you been asked to hold space for someone else? When I first starting hearing this phrase, I wasn’t sure what it meant, but now that I understand it, I love the vision it brings and the beauty of its meaning.

Holding space means giving part of your presence to another. To acknowledge where they need support and creating a vision for healing. This is a judgment-free space that allows the person to safely express their needs for support.

The support can be physical, mental, or emotional. But, what it does is provide a container for your friend to release the pressure of trying to handle things on their own. It says, “give some of that pain to me and I will hold it for you.”

How to Hold Space for Someone

Listen Carefully

In order to truly understand what someone is telling you and to be able to sense their emotions, you have to listen carefully. Listen with no distractions and focus your attention on them. Do not worry about how you are going to respond, just listen. It’s a good idea to repeat back what you understood before you respond so you both know you are on the same page.

Don’t Try to Solve the Problem

This one is particularly hard for me. I tend to just want them to feel better now, so I toss out solutions. The reason this doesn’t work is that they need to learn how to solve the problem for themselves. Besides, when you are holding space, the point is to be there for that person, without judgment. Not to solve the problem. If you have a partner and you have ever complained to them, you know what I mean!

Believe Them

Assure them in holding space, you believe them. You acknowledge their hurt or challenge and you respect their vulnerability in telling you.

Breathe

Not only for yourself to help you stay connected to your own body, but as an example to your friend as well. When they can see you breathing it may remind them to breathe themselves. If there is a lot of emotion coming up, it is easy to hold your breath. According to this study, slow, controlled breathing can calm your brain.

Never Make it About You

Often when someone tells us a problem, we will try to insert ourselves in the situation and then tell them how we handled it. It is not about you, your situation is not the same. Be there to listen only.

Show Kindness

Be there in kindness and with compassion. Compassion means you recognize their pain and are willing to help. Holding space means that you are only there for them, out of pure love and kindness. There is no expectation for anything else.

Visualize a Positive Outcome

Let them know that you see them, hear them, and you visualize a positive outcome. For example; tell them you see them and witness their pain, see them reconciling a relationship, see loving arms of support around them, see them finding the solutions they seek or accessing the wisdom they need. I’m part of a “soul sister” group that is very good at this, and it helps to feel that energy and support from friends.

“What does it mean to hold space for someone else? It means that we are willing to walk alongside another person in whatever journey they’re on without judging them, making them feel inadequate, trying to fix them, or trying to impact the outcome. When we hold space for other people, we open our hearts, offer unconditional support, and let go of judgment and control.” Heather Plett

Holding space for others is not easy, but it is easier than doing it for yourself. Just like with your kids, you spend a large portion of your life taking care of them and making sure they are safe, but when they do not need you as much anymore, it’s hard to turn that attention on yourself.

How to Hold Space for Yourself

Where holding space for someone else is them allowing you in, holding space for yourself is protecting your own space and being the best you can be. Here are a few tips on how to do that.

• Say no to things that don’t move you closer to a life you love.
• Have sacred time in the morning to set intentions, write in your journal and prepare your mind for the day.
• Pay attention to your intuition, listen carefully, and then take action.
• Do not allow toxic people into your life.
• Spend more time in nature.
• Eat well and exercise your body.
• Take time for creativity and reflective thinking.
• Make a plan for your goals and dreams and be persistent in accomplishing them.
• Release comparisons, expectations, and any jealousy.
• Be present to the needs of your mind and body. Practice self-care.
• Love and accept who you are, be unapologetically you!
• If you need to talk to someone, reach out to a friend. Allow them to hold space for you.

“When you see yourself clearly with eyes full of love and acceptance, you hold space for others to meet you at your highest self.” Karly Ryan

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