Last weekend I had two things happen that reminded me that we need to avoid the comparison trap.

I went to visit my daughter and had dinner with her and her friend.  They are in their twenties, and the friend mentioned how she finds herself comparing her life to others she sees on social media and her insecurities about where she is at in her life.

The other incident occurred when my family went to Easter lunch at my sister and brother-in-law’s new house.  Their house is breathtaking.  I found myself comparing it to my own and immediately wanting to remodel my house fully.

But, what my 54 years have taught me, is that comparison is a trap.  It takes you away from the beauty of your own life and tells you it needs to look like someone else’s.  Instead of comparing in a way that makes us feel bad about ourselves, we should look at the things we see and do what we can to incorporate them into our own lives.

Be grateful to the other person for showing you what you could have.  In my case, I congratulated my in-laws on their beautiful home and immediately started thinking about how I could have that same feeling in my own.  It won’t look the same, but it would be mine.

For my daughter and her friend, I would encourage them to write down what they are comparing themselves to and make it a goal or dream.  Be grateful for the life they live right now, and then work on how they can feel better about it.

It is easy to get caught up in the comparison trap, but when you compare yourself or your circumstances to others, you forget that you have control of your own life.  You fixate on others instead of trying to improve yourself.

Ways a comparison trap can be dangerous

• When you compare yourself to others, you compare the worst of yourself to the best of them.  It is rarely comparing apples to apples.
• You can’t compare your unique gifts and talents because no one else can have them.  You are all gifted in your own way, and all of your gifts are needed.  Be aware of what you are giving to any situation.
• There will always be someone else further along than you, and there is always someone behind you.
• Comparisons often result in thinking negatively about the other person.  Even though you might really like the person you are comparing yourself to, you will feel jealousy or animosity.  This is pretty silly, especially if it’s your friend.

Related Post: How to Stop Judging Others and What to do Instead

How to Avoid the Comparison Trap

• We need to compliment others and appreciate what they can teach us routinely.  In the case of my sister-in-law, I made sure she knew how much I liked her home and wanted some tips for my own.
• Being grateful for our own life.  You can never be grateful enough.  Write it down over and over.  When you are grateful for what you have, you won’t need to worry about others.
• Nobody is perfect.  Whoever or whatever you are comparing yourself to has problems of their own.  If you knew what they were, you probably would not be comparing anymore.
• We are obsessed with perfection.  When you compare yourself to others, you think there is something wrong with yourself, and if you could look like that other person, you would be perfect.  Let me reiterate; nobody is perfect.
• What are you most often comparing? That will probably indicate where you should work on yourself.
• Turn your comparisons into your own goals and dreams.
• Only you have the ability to create your own life.  Be thankful for others for showing you what else there is.
• Limit social media use.  We all know that most people only post highlights of their life.
• Focus on small successes and progress.  If someone else has just lost 50 pounds, but you are struggling to lose two, be grateful for the motivation and keep going.
• When you are busy pursuing your own dreams, you don’t have time to compare.
• Get to know people you admire.  Find out how they got where they are.
• Where you are today is a snapshot of your life.  If you are not happy with it, change the setting, find some good light, and take a new picture.
• Don’t use the word should.  If there is something you “should” do, do it!  Or if you really don’t want to do it, don’t.  The word should is used when you are letting someone else control your life.
• Turn comparison into inspiration. Be inspired by what someone else has or does.  Find a way to incorporate it into your life if that is what will make you feel good.

There will always be someone who has more than you or is further along in life than you.  Instead of comparing your own journey to theirs, be inspired to reach your own dreams and be grateful for where you are in the process.

Remember, you are working on making the most of your own life!

In conclusion, get busy with your own life so that you can avoid comparison traps.  Face your fears, do what you love, and follow your dreams.  These related posts might help!

Face Your Fears

What is my Purpose?

Making Dreams Come True

20 Gratitude Journal Prompts to Refresh Your Practice

“Don’t compare your life to others.  There’s no comparison between the sun and the moon, they shine when it’s their time.”

Thanks for reading and if you know someone who might need to hear this message, please share!