At a time in my life, I felt guilty about almost everything. I worried about what other people would think, asked permission to do things, put other people’s needs and expectations above mine, and felt bad about not helping others. Thank goodness, I have learned a few things since then. I’ve learned how to let go of guilt, forgive myself, and love who I am. You can too!
“Sometimes, your heart needs more time to accept what your mind already knows.”
Guilt started at a young age. I grew up Catholic and felt guilty for not following all the rules and traditions that the Catholic church told us we needed to go to heaven. I carried that for a long time, probably into my 30’s.
Until I realized that God doesn’t hold me to standards and forgives me whenever I want forgiveness, the God/Universe/Spirit I believe in wants me to live my life doing what makes me happy. To love myself and others just the way I am.
But the guilt didn’t just come from the church. I felt guilty when I wasn’t living up to the “standards” of life.
If I wasn’t…
- Putting my kids in every activity possible.
- Volunteering for every function or group that asked.
- Taking care of my parents.
- Making plans with friends.
- Eating the recommended amount of fruits and vegetables every day.
- Getting the required amount of exercise.
- Making a healthy meal for my husband every night.
- Solving all of the world’s social injustices.
- Making sure my dog was well exercised every day even though I had other plans.
- Working outside the home.
- Etc., Etc., Etc.
I’m sure you could add a few things as well.
“The elimination diet: Remove anger, regret, worry, resentment, guilt, and blame. Then watch your health and life improve.” Charles Glassman
Just telling you to let go of all of that is easier said than done. But when you do, you will feel yourself becoming much lighter and happier.
5 Ways to Let Go of Guilt
G – Give yourself a break
You are not perfect. No one is. And the standard of perfectionism is just a hoax. No one can meet it. Instead, discover what makes you happy and take care of yourself. Self-care is necessary so that you can give the best of yourself back to others in your life.
U – Understand Why You Are Feeling Guilty
I read this paragraph in an article in Join Blush, “Be honest. Are your thoughts rational right now? Do they logically make sense? Sometimes when we feel guilty, we tend to exaggerate reality in our minds. We zoom in on our actions as if they were crime scene clues and go over every detail linking us to the remorse, anger, or embarrassment at hand. So, the first thing you have to do is check yourself. Admit that perhaps your thoughts aren’t exactly rational, and let’s keep going.”
I love that because it’s so important to check with yourself why you feel guilty. What do you believe that makes you think you did something wrong? Are you holding on to limiting beliefs from your childhood? If so, change those beliefs to something that feels better.
I – Initiate Conversation
If there is something really bothering you that has to do with someone close to you, have a conversation. It is a real possibility that you are fretting over nothing. If you feel guilty about not being the best mother, talk to your child about it. They may only remember the most positive things about your parenting; the only one losing sleep is you. Or, if they feel the same way, talk it out. Then forgive yourself and move on.
That was a pretty heavy example, but the same goes for small things. If you are feeling guilty about not doing something, reach out and apologize.
“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” Maya Angelou
L – Learn to Forgive Yourself
Guilt is feeling bad about who you are; remorse is feeling bad about what you did—big difference. Have remorse, not guilt, and then forgive yourself and move on.
Pick your battles. If you feel compelled to do one or two things, figure out how to get it done.
Everyone is responsible for their own actions and feelings and how they live their life. Please don’t put that pressure on yourself to do that for them. You are doing the best you can with what you know.
T – Take the word “should” out of your vocabulary.
When you think you “should” do something, you assume it must be done. But who says so? Who are you listening to? Using the word “should” gives away your power to someone else. There is nothing you “should” do, only things you want to do. Take responsibility for yourself and do the things that make you happy.
Let go of other people’s expectations you have put on yourself. Help others because that is what you want to do.
Finally, the biggest reason I have been able to let go of my guilt is that I have learned to love myself.
This excerpt is taken from my book, The 5 L’s of Living Marvelously, “When you love yourself, you don’t have to compare, judge or fear others. You don’t have to look for approval or acceptance from others because you already have it from yourself. It really is at the heart of living your best life. Loving yourself starts with being grateful and appreciative of being alive.”
Quit wasting your time worrying about what others think about what you have or have not done. Focus on yourself and how you can be the best person you can be. One that is happy, living a life of adventure, and making the most of your life now!
Other posts you might like:
Listen to Your Soul When the Outside World is Noisy
I Don’t Go To Church On Christmas Day
Enjoy Freedom From Other People’s Expectations
Why Worrying is a Waste of Time and How to Stop
Are You Ready to Stop Feeling Guilty About Taking Time for Yourself?